Happy Halloween!

The did the Mash!!!!

Click here

and now here

and time for a classic

maybe not that bad?

Ok, so maybe things are not as bad as they seem sometimes. Getting it out, however, was a big part of getting over it.

Nothing in life is easy. I guess now that I have figured out the whole 'fear of hidden meaning' thing, it is now time to address it. Hopefully, the other things will fall into place behind it.

things are not good

Once again, I am posting about how 'something is wrong with me.' I am so sick and tired of this feeling. I don't know what brings them, but all I know is that my mood, my self-esteem, and my sense of well-being are being affected by how I feel, and that is in turn affecting my relationships, inside and out of personal life.

Single phrases can send me into a tail spin. For absolutely foolish reasons. I find myself reading into what is REALLY being said, when what is being said IS really what is being said. This tendency is creating real damage. Can I blame my mother? Not 100%... but then it means that is me. And I don't know how to fix me.

I'm worried about my relationship with R. Of all the Sundays in the semester, I have managed to be an ass, be upset, be foolish, or depressed for the majority of them. And this has only started since September. Why Sundays? I can't tell you. But I am worried that I am driving a distance and wedge between us. I'm not able to communicate properly anymore, and I worry about R taking things the wrong way. Nothing is very clear.

Except this: I am not the same person in our relationship that I was even 2 months ago. I've gone from being supportive to being a pin cushion, subconsciously suspicious of every comment, looking for that hidden meaning. It is a testament to R's strength that he keeps me around... I'm driving me nuts, so it must be bad to see this from the outside in.

I don't know how to fix this. The entirely rational part of me can label exactly what is going on, but the emotional side of me won't fucking quit. I should be able to identify what is happening, and change it. That's what all the self-help people say, and that is what the counsellor at the school has told me. So how come I can only label, and not handle?

I just don't know.

This Sunday, I am well on my way to wrecking what should be an evening spent together. I am hoping that writing this post will make me feel better... but I have a feeling that the damage has already been done to tonight.

And for that I am sorry. And I am also scared.

And I'm out.

literal video

The concept is that music videos never sing about what is happening... unless someone does a really good cover.

If you don't find yourself smiling and laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you.

if i only knew why

So I got the first assignment of the term back. It was my Learning Contract for my digital media course, and I guess I really missed the boat.

I got a C+.

Not the best way to start the term, you say? I would be inclined to agree. I am also frustrated by the comments "Dave, this is good re: assignments, but it is missing the other elements I asked for." Umm... what elements?

One sentence does not justify a C+. Sorry, that just doesn't computer in my books. I went to the slides from that lecture, and there is nothing about elements, and in fact says "There is no fixed format for a learning contract."

Needless to say, I am lost. I am going to make an appointment with the prof, to find out where I went wrong. I may have gapped and missed something completely (it's rare, but has happened before) or else the criteria were unclear, in which case I want a chance to up my grade, or else detailed comments.

I can handle a C+, but I need to know why.

And I'm out.

davelearnsdigi

So, I've done it. I've started another blog.

Dave Ross is pleased to announce the launch of davelearnsdigi.wordpress.com

What is the purpose of this new blog you ask? Well, I need to have a learning journal, as well as document my progress through a couple of components of my DIGI 301 course. I decided to use a Wordpress blog in order to understand a different provider in the Blogosphere.

So check it out every now and then. There will be at least weekly entries on the overall course, as well as (Linds, you'll like this one) "Dave teaches himself digital photography." There will be lost of pretty (and not so pretty) pictures.

http://davelearnsdigi.wordpress.com/

And I'm out.

ugh

So i am in the midst of BUTT-loads of schoolwork. Handed in a two-part 2500-word paper on Friday, another assignment for today, wrote a 1500 word paper on Saturday (for Tuesday) and have to write a 1000-word scene analysis for tomorrow. Lots to do.

But the real conundrum is this. I cut caffeinated coffee out of my diet in the last week of April. I still get the occasional bit of caffeine of course, but have drastically reduced it. It's a good thing, right? I've also been getting 7 hours of a sleep a night, more often 8, trying to to stay ahead of the curve and not exhaust myself, right?

So why the blazes am I falling asleep in an 11.30am class? I even ate a healthy, energy-filled lunch right before class. Sandwich on whole grain bread, banana, granola bar, red grapes, and water...

I'm very puzzled. Anyone have any ideas on how to combat this?

first days and odd moments

So my mother called last night to wish me a "Good first day at school." It was a really weird moment. I mean, I am excited for school to start, as the summer was (believe it or not) starting to become a bit interminable. But at the same time, I'm not going off to Grade 1 with my blue Care Bears lunch box... it just struck me as odd. I'm 26 years old, and entering the last year of my degree. Just seemed odd to be making such a big deal about it. Of course, she was then able to bring up Matthew and HIS school arrangements. Which, as many of you know, I am trying not to give a rat's ass about. Maybe it is all a game? I dunno.

But on another parent-related note, my mother tried to turn Matthew's birthday and mine into a giant shin-dig this Saturday, and were making a big deal about it. And I said no. I have to go to Victoria on Monday, and again the next Saturday, and I really don't feel like doing three same-day round-trips to Victoria over the next 10 days. Wanna know the scary part?

They listened.

I know. I was just as amazed as you are. I did arrange to have dinner with them the Monday night before heading back up-Island... but I did it cause it works for ME. So this is a new first.

And speaking of school... today was the first day! (I'm allowed to be excited about it, apparently). I had my Romantic Literature class first, which went surprisingly well. I was bemoaning the class as the first of my degree, as I am not an enormous fan of the Romantics, but it went really well. The prof is very engaging, the material is not overwhelming, and I think it will be a great course. Then I had Canadian Drama... which is going to be very predictable. It is a very small class, only about 10-12 of us. I'm not a fan of Canadian Lit, and I am pretty sure that that dislike will continue into drama as well. But, head down, I will get it done.

It feels good to start school. I've got something to sink my teeth into. And hopefully, something to update blogs with!

And I'm out.